Sunday, December 19, 2010


I'm a really lazy person who can't even sit myself down to write a decent blog post. Most of the things that I write here won't really be "updates" considering that they've been over for at least 3 weeks now. After some thought I figured that Blogger is not suitable for me anymore. I'll be keeping this for memory's sake.

Please do drop by and leave a comment or something


Saturday, November 20, 2010

Actually I wanted to say "Even though it was a little embarassing, it was one of the nicest things I've heard in awhile. Thanks"

But the reply you gave just changed my mind completely. Now what I really want to say is just "Are you stupid enough to not know how to say the right things at the right time?"

Monday, November 15, 2010

I hate how life presents me with one last chance but I am still not treasuring this opportunity.
I hate how I am motivated at first but end up distracted.
I hate how I can't find the passion for learning.
I hate not doing well for studies, and yet slacking my fucking ass off at home.
I hate how I make promises and conpromises to myself.
I hate how you, the person who is the least likely to appear on my mind, suddenly do.

What the fuck is wrong with me.

Monday, November 8, 2010

I always thought I could vent off steam on a punching bag. Guess I was wrong. What I did was to let frustration and negative emotions manifest and take control over me. I wasn't releasing them. I was letting them grow. This created strength, but stirred violent emotions within me. It gets harder and harder to restrain them. But you know what.... It felt damn good while it lasted.

Anyway, due to the post-promos burnout, my mind has grown to be fat and lazy. I can't even sit down to do a Math problem or read Leviathan without being distracted and bored. I need to get my lazy ass mind to start working again. COME ON JERRY. You can do so much more than this. You're running out of time as it is. Wake up. Now.

Life's been going downhill now. It's hard to get my lazy-ass mind to exercise itself, been sleeping late doing unimportant stuff, getting distracted easily, no plan or whatsoever for the holidays, time flying past me, don't know what else to do for OP, and my guitar playing is getting lousier. I don't know whether is it because I didn't practice as much or I've hit a bottleneck.

Hiccups, that's what they are. I'll overcome them. Meanwhile all the best to the J2's who are going through Hell. Hahaha. Soon it'll be Purgatory for them and finally, Heaven. All the best y'all.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Ever since I entered JC blogging has become a privilege that I seldom indulge in. I'm either too tired or just too lazy. Majority of the time its the latter. With all the PW stuff and the essay and the things we have to do, sometimes you just don't feel like writing anymore. With the WR out of the way and the academic year coming to a close, finally I have some free time on my hands to blog.

Well, Promos are over. Results? AACCE. Promoted, but not fantastic. There were some subjects which I studied really hard for and yet its not reflected. There were some subjects that I obviously would have done better had I studied harder for it. My parents seemed pleased. I'm not. Before I had gotten my results, all I wanted to do was to promote. Now that I'm promoted, I feel that I let myself down. I should be satisfied, but I'm not.

I guess it's really time to step my game up. I can feel it already. It is indeed my last shot at this. One academic year gone in the blink of an eye. Just awhile ago it was still Orientation. Time really flies. This made me realise that soon enough, I will be the one collecting my A Level results. Where do I go from there? I never gave any thought about it.

I'm uncertain about the future. This uncertainty resulted in the my aversion with regard to thinking about my future. It's time I started. To be honest, thinking about my future scares me. I fear that I may not realize my ambitions. If i don't start now, I'll never be able to. To think that I've kinda wasted one year, letting opportunities fly past me is really something that will haunt me.

But I'm going to make it all up. I'm finally getting my directions sorted out. It's my time. If I try a 100 times and fail, and I just give up, then I'm never going to succeed. I need to keep trying, and seek for the right methods and go in the right direction. I'm not letting myself down again. Please God, be with me.

Monday, August 9, 2010


Dreams. We all have them. Dreams can be categorized into two categories, the conscious ones and the subconscious ones. In our lives we try our best to fufill our conscious dreams, more commonly known as ambitions. But what about our subconscious ones? How do we deal with them? I believe most of us will either take one of the 2 approaches:

1. Decode it
2. Forget about it.

Most of us would choose number 2. I would. Decoding your dreams isn't really practical. There are a million and one ways to explain what your dreams really mean. Even if you can finally understand what that dream mean on the millionth and second attempt, you might have to go through this arduous process again and again until a pattern can be drawn. Most of us would just forget about our dreams, since we will wake up with the feeling that "Hey I had an awesome dream, but I can't really recall it". However, if you were Christopher Nolan, you would choose secret option no. 3. Make a movie out of it. From the depths of his mind, Inception is born.

Dreams are precisely what Inception deals with. I will not waste any time here explaining the plot to you. You can read it up in Wikipedia. What I can share with you are some of the things I liked about Inception and the parallels between the movie and reality.

1. Dream Theory

There are quite a few things I've discovered in the movie that are fascinating. Besides the fantastic film sets, is the accurate description of how it feels like to be in a dream. Quoting Cobb (DiCaprio),

"You never know how you ended up in a dream. You just know that you're here"

I'm sure most dreamers would agree with this. Whenever we dream we always imagine ourselves to be in a certain place at a certain time, but we always do not know, and most interestingly never question how we ended up in here. All you know is that you're there. Also, it's also fascinating how you can use your conscious will to decide what actions you are going to take in your subconscious dreams. For example, if I had the ability to fly in a dream I would be able to decide how high I want to fly, and to fly in which direction. However, I never ask myself "How did I have this ability to fly in the first place?". This is something that we experience, but we have never really given much thought over this. The film brought my attention to details like the one mentioned above.

Besides that, the fact that the only way people could wake up from a dream is to either die or have that feeling of falling. This is how Cobb and his team goes back to the real world in the film. Yet another truth which we all cannot deny. How do you wake up from a dream? It's either you naturally wake up or when you suddenly wake up due to the fact that you have either died in your dream or you had the feeling as if your soul just fell right back into your body.

The film highlights certain facts that are similar to our own experiences in dreaming. Dreams are a personal thing, something which you rarely share with others. This is why Inception left a deep impression within me. It made me think "Whoa, that's like.... what happened to me. How come I never thought about this?".

2. Dream-Within-A-Dream

The movie had 5 levels of dreams in total, including limbo. I personally feel that the levels of dreams are an abstract representation of your subconscious. The whole idea of Inception is to plant an idea deep within one's mind, until it becomes a natural thought. In order to do that in the film, one has to bring the target into the deepest parts of the subconscious. Just as how the dreams, gets more and more violent and horrible with each deeper level, I believe the violence actually represents the defense mechanisms of the mind kicking in to guard the secrets of our subconscious. Let's say you have a dark secret hidden deep within you, one that you never speak of to anyone, not even your parents. Now let's say somehow wants to extract that secret from you. The closer that person gets, the more aggressive you will become.

Similarly, the first level of the dream consists of a city filled with mercenaries. The second level consists of a hotel filled with armed bodyguards. The third level consists of trained soliders. The fourth and fifth level consists of your worst nightmare. In Cobb's case, it's his wife. The deeper one ventures within his/her subconscious, the more aggressive it gets as it gets desperate in its attempts to stop you from extracting that idea within you. Psychology, I guess. The fact that the closer you are to someone's secrets the more hostile they become.

3. Inception

Another characteristic of Inception is that once an idea is planted, it grows within you. Just as how Cobb's wife died because Cobb performed inception on her, sometimes when you store certain memories or unhappy incidents in your subconscious, you may soon forget about its presence. However, that particular thought is growing secretly. You may not know it, or be aware of it, or even know that it exists until one day that thought comes back to you. Hard. It gnaws at your conscience and rips you to pieces when you attempt to deal with it. Inception is reflected in real life too, except that the inception is done by yourself.

4. The Ending

The Straits Times even had an article that discusses the ending of Inception. How the screen smash cuts to the credits just as Cobb's totem begins to wobble. I believe there is no definite ending to this. Just like the Shakespearean play "A Midsummer Night's Dream", the director is just trying to highlight the blurring of the line between dreams and reality. It's Art. Trying to figure the difference between dreams and reality will just drive you crazy. I believe there is no need to figure out what really happened to Cobb.

5. Conclusion

This film is one of the most disturbing films I have ever watched, because of the way it deals with your subconscious and messes with your mind. The whole dream-within-a-dream-within-a-movie is confusing sometimes. A word of warning: Never dwell too much on the film. Now I'm trying my best to forget some details and thoughts after I post this. The film messes with your mind. Alot. I would recommend this to KI students, and those who love, pardon the vulgarity, to be mindfucked.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Whenever my parents used to scold me about my results or when I make a mistake in the past, I tell them "This is unfair. No one scolds you when you make a mistake". They always replied with "I will tend to scold myself". I once thought this was ridiculous. Why would I scold myself?

Now I finally understand what it feels like. I would rather they scold me instead now. Every day, every second of my life I'm reminded of the harsh fact that I failed. Every second my mind goes "You failed, you failed, you failed". My pride is crushed and trampled upon. The way everyone looks at me changes significantly. I guess this is the real world huh. Harsh and in-your-face kinda thing.

It's definitely a hard slap in the face. Time to wake up, dull my pride, sharpen my willpower and persevere. You've been in this situation before.

Fall, and get back up stronger than before. Watch me, fear me and finally, be crushed by me.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

I still can't think of a title

Hi Blog. My holidays are screwed. True that I have been revising some stuff, but holiday homework? Ha.Ha.Ha. Undone. But I'm not too worried about that. July will be a busy month, with my Terms and Guitar Exam and all. Blogging becomes a privilege in JC, or maybe I'm just too lazy to write.

I used to love writing, to be honest I always liked writing. However, why do I feel that writing has become a chore now? In fact, memory-related subjects feel like a chore now. Even my dear Chinese Literature. True, I suck at it. No doubt I have been failing more than I pass ever since I took on that subject. I have 1 year to build my foundation. Those who took that subject in secondary school, which means the other 4 of my classmates, had 4. Yes it is difficult, but yet I loved it. Now, thinking about it pushes me further away from my texts. This is worrying. Really. Come on Jerry, face your problems head-on. You have expectations to fufill.

Guess I'll just do my best now, which is pathetic because there will be regret again. Regret. Sighz...

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Guitar Camp

I'm back after 3 days 2 nights...... Honestly this camp has struck me in one particular aspect, albeit an unpleasant one, tells me that sooner or later I will get used to it.

Overall the camp was awesome, but one thing that left a sour taste in my mouth is the how the Exco Interview went. The seniors did put in alot of effort, and I applaud and respect them for that, going through every applicant's suggestions seriously. However, I felt really bitter about the fact that I was called for a last minute interview. It's really a bittersweet feeling that although I got into Exco, which I should be happy about. Why do I always get the feeling that the rationale behind my second interview was like "Oh actually we felt that you were not good enough, but since your friends asked us so sincerely to give you a chance, we shall give you that chance", sort of a "beggars can't be choosers" rationale.

That's what I felt. Honestly when I first heard what happened I felt insulted. Really insulted. Should I thank my friends who reccommended me? Or should I lament at my "plight" for not getting the position I want? I'm too tired to answer this question. Either way, what I'm telling myself to do now is to just look forward to what I can do as a QM. I'll make a seemingly insignificant job the most awesome one ever. The QMs of 2010-2011 will leave their legacy in ACGE. Hahahahahahahaaha......

One thing I've learnt in this camp:

Power and status are socially divisive, yet inevitable. Instead of lamenting and showing a poker face to others for so-called "taking your role", I'll just have to learn to restrain and kill these thoughts of jealousy and start thinking of what I can do now since God already gave me lemons.

On a side note:

I think women are sometimes extremely difficult to understand.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Bad Days

It's just one of these days when you feel as if the whole world turns upside down on you, when you just feel that your tolerance towards life has reached zero. Everything seems to go the other way for you, as if you're stuck in your own Philadelphia. This is exactly what happened to me today. It just didn't feel right, and I just didn't feel myself at all. If I'm really in a Philadelphia, should I start asking for opposite things instead?

Well, anyway today was one of the days where I wasn't really myself at all. Hope it ends, and hope you can understand that some days just start off in a strangely shitting manner.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010


This is something that SJI does to me over the past few years. Whenever there is an event which struck me or touched me or inspired me or induced any kind of emotion within me, there will be this urge for me to write it down, no matter where or through what mediums. I've stated in my previous post that I wanted to write about Glissando. Despite the tremendous workload and my parent's displeasure, I will now write something about it.

Let's start with a story of me quite some time ago when I first entered AC and had a difficulty choosing CCAs. I was split between choosing water polo and guitar. Actually my first choice at that time was Water Polo, since I was a rugger before and wanted to seek another adrenaline-pumping sport. Yes, water polo trainings has indeed been extremely fun. The insane treading water and the times where we practised our shots. It has been tiring, with trainings ending at 7:30-8:00pm, but it was definately one of the most exhilarating sport.

Thus, from about February to March, if I remember correctly, was one of the most frustrating times I ever had. I've never had such a difficult dilemma. I tried going for both, but of course it wasn't easy to manage. I'm not Tim Lau. Haha. So anyway, I shall go past the details of how I finally set my mind on Guitar. Did I regret it? Of course there were regrets during the first few weeks that I joined. The familiar feeling of adrenaline and aggressiveness pumping inside you was missing. It's like some kind of drug that you need to have.

Through the course of time, guitar has become more and more enjoyable to me. I have awesome section leaders and section mates, awesome seniors who taught me songs that I've always wanted to learn. So there I was, practising the 3 competition pieces, and never really enjoying it because my music knowledge and understanding is really quite limited. I've never really completely mastered Jalousie before extra sectionals, and the only thing I could play was bar 18. I really owe my gratitude to my SLs and Jade for teaching me how to play correctly and getting the dynamics right. It was a steep learning curve for me, but well I never thought of giving up.

Then the moment of magic came. It was during our competition performance that I truly expereienced this magical feeling of ACGE. All our hard work just boiled down to that 3 pieces. And when we played it, I had this feeling that time stopped for a moment around me, and all there remains was the sound of our guitars playing Lotus Eaters, Jalousie and Sleepers Awake. It was after this period of time where I decided to really put my heart and soul into this. It was, to a certain extent my realization. I love this CCA.

And so I practised with whatever time I have for the concert. The many different pieces that we had to play were difficult to manage. I must confess that I did screw up parts in the concert. Malaguena, La Cuccaracha, Pirates, Obla Di Obla Da, and Sleepers Awake to name a few. Despite that, I think we owned the stage that night. Hearing the solo pieces and the group items from behind the screen was awesome. I had regrets that I screwed up those parts, but what's even more sad is that the seniors are officially stepping down after Glissando, and it will be the last time that I ever performed with them. It is sad that G2 sectionals may never be the same as before again, and the seniors who helped me so much were leaving for awhile to prep for the A's.

Obla-Di, Obla-Da, Life goes on. We're starting our practise without the J2s tomorrow. Do I still miss them? Yes I do. Although I do miss having ensemble and practises with them, I must move on. That is perhaps the most difficult part. I'm not the type of person who will force myself to look forward in situations like these. I would rather be immersed in these memories until time washes them away from me. "Not what a guy is supposed to do", "That's damn gay and weak of you to do that", if you're thinking of stuff like these right now, I don't really care. That's just who I am sometimes.

Nevermind that. Thanks to all the J2s who made this journey such an awesome one. May you achieve success in your examinations and future endeavours. I know not what my fate in Guitar is, whether I'll make it to the Exco or become an SL, but what I know is that everything I do for this CCA I do it with my heart and soul, just like what some of my seniors did. I'm giving it everything I got. Perhaps that's all I need to know.

ACGE 4Eva. Hahaha

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Updates Soon

I want to do some updates on my Glissando.... but right now I'm too tired to do so. Will probably do it some other day.

Monday, May 3, 2010


Recently I just saw a facebook group titled "Singapore is NOT China" on one of my friend's wall. Curious, I decided to take a look. They always say : "Curiousity kills the cat". What I got for my curiousity was anger. Anger towards how insensitive and immature some Singaporeans can be.

Yes. Of course Singapore is NOT China. Anyone knows that. It doesn't take a genius to identify the geographical differences between China and Singapore. However, as I browsed through the comments there, I came across stuff like:

1. "my teacher from china asked us to do an article on china. i asked why and she said because we are chinese,which makes us linked to china. HELLO? i am a singaporean? not a china chinese?
CHINA cyclist near my home are cycling their bikes super fast as if they are in china.They even rode their bikes across the bus stop! You see them,they dont ... See Moregive way to you. They even sped up. Nearly got knocked down by them for alot of times. I HATE CHINA PEOPLE TO THE MAX.
they complain about singapore plus singaporeans. Then what for they come here? GO BACK CHINA LA.

2. "why gov accept the PRC creatures?bcos they can speak mandarin which our gov promote.

Abdullah Mohd Aziz - Agree with u that foreigners are welcome, anyone that goes to other country should and must adapt to language and culture of that country.
Example if you were to go any part of the world you must at least try learn their language(... See Morebasic) to communicate.
The chinese national that work here expect us to understand their national language.
Pity to the Foreign Domestic Helper(maid) need to pass ENGLISH test lor..."

3."they talk so loud as if the other party were deaf and they got no sense of courtesy or manners like spitting their saliva and their accent is sooo damn awful. im so disgusted.. please stop this alien migrate to our country. And they are so damnnnn kiasu . With this kinda of attitute, they don't fit in our society. our ...society is unique in singlish not loud speaking mandarin."

And the list goes on and on.... These are just some randomly-selected comment which I think are a good representation of immature comments. If you are interested to read them all, there are about 164 of them on the wall of the facebook group.

Actually I'm quite upset about the whole "Singaporean Chinese" and "China Chinese" issue. I personally don't see the difference. Most "Singaporean Chinese" had parents and ancestors who were from Chaozhou (Teochew) , FuJian (Hokkien) and Guangdong (Hakka). I daresay almost all of the so-called "Singaporean Chinese" have origins from one of these provinces. You can deny this fact by saying "I was born right here in Singapore", but you cannot deny the fact that you are Chinese.

You share the same Mother Tongue, practise the same culture as the Chinese people worldwide, not just in China. I'm not looking at the geographical aspect, but I'm focusing on the fact that no matter which country you're born in, we're all Chinese and hence I really don't see why we still have to draw such a clear border between us. So what if you're a Chinese born in the US? Or Singapore? Or China? Or Malaysia?

Wouldn't it be a ridiculous thing if you have Chinese blood flowing in you and yet you tell someone "Oh no there is a distinct difference. We are Singaporeans. They are Chinese". Paradoxical, isn't it? How we recite the pledge everyday that "Regardless of race, language or religion", we aim to build a "democratic society based on justice and equality". Some of us have recited the pledge for more than 10 years of their lives, and here we are, looking down on people from China just because they speak English with an accent, and have a poor command of the language, and have the habit of speaking loudly, and some of their behaviour is unacceptable.

I do not disagree with the fact that I have my own share of unpleasant experiences of working with them. But that is DEFINATELY NOT a reason to show prejudices. I despise those who says "Go back to China because you're snatching all our jobs" or "Go back to China. Your behviour sucks". Firstly, it's a competitive world. There are no such thing as "reserved jobs" in society. Want a job? Then you have to compete with the millions of people around the world who share your views. Secondly, who are you to determine whether someone's behaviour sucks or not? Saying that China people are rude and impolite but yet you yourself are making such racist comments on the internet. Does this make your behaviour "acceptable"?

I have my own share of bad experiences too. But that doesn't mean I'm prejudiced against them. Just because you've met a certain bunch of rude chinese people means that the whole billion of them are like that. Who are you to determine the behaviour of an entire country? Singapore has their own bunch of inconsiderate people too. Does this mean all Singaporeans are inconsiderate? I'm sure you'll all disagree with that.

Singapore is a multi-racial society. I know that having prejudices is a part of human nature. What's important is that we have to try our best to accept these differences. If we can't even do that, and I'm not even talking about between races here. This example has Chinese people despising Chinese people. If we can't even do that, or try our best to do that, how can we hold our head up high and tell other people that we are a "multi-racial" society?

We're not perfect, so please stop the elitist thinking that just because we have a better command of English, we're much more civilised than those who struggled to get their subject-verb agreement correctly. Even we have trouble doing that sometimes.

Here's food for thought for the so-called "Singaporean Chinese" who despises their own Mother Tongue and hates Chinese people because they speak it with an accent:

Will you still be proud to call yourself Chinese if you can't even understand the foundations of which your race was built on?

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Sometimes life is just odd, twisted and complicated. I must be going through a Philadelphia, especially when you know someone's the one for you and yet life's arrangement just coincidentally denies you that opportunity. Note the word "coincidentally". You can't really blame life, but at the same time you lament it for taking away what seemed like the one person whom you truly like.

I don't blame life, but I wonder why life has decided to play my life out in this way. You asked me why do I always listen to that one particular song, and I replied that the song touches a certain part of you which you don't understand, and I said it reminds you of certain things. Everytime I listen to that song I'm reminded of something which I thought I had forgotten already. It's a bittersweet feeling. Painful but at the same time you don't want it to stop.

I'm not one who likes to live in memories.... but things like that are becoming increasingly hard to forget. It took me some strength and time to do it the first time, but can I do it the second time? I'll leave that answer for time to decide, but right now I choose to replay that song again.

I know we always say "Hey we need to move on". But right now, I don't want to move on. I'm afraid one day we'll be total strangers with each other. Before that day comes, let me do my all to etch my memories with you inside my head, no matter how insignificant they are.

I hope you find happiness, at the same time I wished that happiness was mine. Oh, what a hypocrite I am. Haha.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010


Hi blog.

Seems I've left you alone for quite some time. There hasn't been much free time for me to blog since school and CCA started. Life has been busy, with all the lecture-tutorial system draining the life out of me, ending school at 4:30pm despite having loads of breaks. Honestly I would rather have many lessons crammed together and go home early instead of having loads of breaks and end school late. Sometimes that's just the way the world works. Fair? I think so. Even as I'm typing this, which I shouldn't because the opportunity cost for me doing so would be too great (unfinished work and all), but sometimes the need to do a little reflection really helps alot. SJI thing, ya know. Hahaha. Even as the years pass, even as you hate doing so much reflections in school, when you actually leave the place, the habit sort of sticks with you for perhaps a lifetime. I miss SJI. I really do.

But that's beside the point. I realised that as I have many more tasks to manage in my life, I tend to really lose control of my priorities. Let's see the upcoming tasks for this week.

1. Revise and complete tutorials in time.
2. Practise Guitar Competition pieces
3. Practise my Grade 5 guitar stuff.
4. Math Tuition
5. GP Tution (Yes my GP is not good)
6. Guitar Competition on Saturday
7. Titong Meeting on Sunday which is super extremely important.

For task number 1, I fail terribly at it. Procrastinating is not what I'm supposed to be doing right now. And yet, my attention span on my work is less than 20 minutes. Curse this attitude of mine. Sometimes I ask myself why. Why this is happening to me. A voice inside me always responds by saying "Because you're not strong enough".

2. Competition's on saturday. I won't spend too much time harping on it. I just hope that my first performance goes well. I did spend alot of time on it, at least practising during the weekends or when I get home from CCA. So much so that my own Grade 5 pieces have been neglected to the point that I still have to sight read my exam pieces. I need to squeeze time into practising my exam pieces.

3. Won't say too much on my tuition. Although I would really appreciate the free time to go gym or something since I'm getting unfit and my tummy's becoming bigger, it's what I have to do in order to at least understand what's going on in school. Sometimes I wished I was a genius, but who doesn't? Just got to suck it up.

4. Titong stuff. Yes I do enjoy what I'm doing, but it's not without its difficulties. Especially when I have such high expectations on this year's Exco Invesiture. It's going to be a whole new concept, and there are definately alot of things that we have to work on. Yes it is frustrating and tiring sometimes, but I'm not going to give up. I'll see it through no matter what. So please work with me, and let's create the best Exco Invesiture ever.

Anyway, sometimes I really feel damn tired, to the point where I can just fall asleep on my desk. Of course, in reality I can't really do that since I have loads of stuff to catch up. Who isn't tired nowadays? The most important thing is how you are able to persevere on and keep moving even though your brain tells you "It's enough". So I'll have to keep on walking, even if guided by sheer willpower alone.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010


My blog is dead. Really. And I'm kinda lazy to update it..... Ahh too busy too busy too busy.....

Friday, February 26, 2010

Please Take A Second Look

I noticed I tend to behave oddly around girls, especially when I'm around my classmates and OG mates. I'll share some of these things here.

1. I tend to crack jokes. Alot. Unnecessary ones. ALOT of unnecessary jokes.

2. I tend to suan them alot.

3. This is the most weird. I will start saying nonsensical stuff to myself.

4, I will tend to whine a little too. WHINE. Can you believe it?

As a result of these 4 behaviours, I have OG mates who thinks every sentence that comes out of my mouth is an insult. And i may become a serious pain in the ass sometimes. If I saw me, I would dislike me.

I do that because sometimes I just don't know how to react in front of girls. Then I will do this auto-switch into my "Stupid and Annoying mode". It's not really my true self la... I am not that mean. And I don't mean 99% of the stuff I say.

It's a flaw, but it does not truly reveal who I am. I guess it might be some sort of mask that I unconsciously wear on my face. It's like... I know this is happening but every time I try to tear it from my face, it sticks on even harder than before. How can I ever remove it? Bit by bit I guess.

I always thought that humour brings people closer together. Hence I have all these retarded stuff coming out of me. Apparently it's not always the case. Hence, I'm at a lost of what to do. When this happens I may seem odd.

Just wanna let you all know that you're awesome and please do give me a chance to let me show you who I really am. You might ask "Why didn't I do this earlier?"
Well, it's a long story and I really wished that I could share it with you, but it's something that is hidden waaay down. I wish I could, really.

Who in the world likes being the "mean one" or the "lame one"?. It's meant to be a rhetorical question. No jokes with the first word of the paragraph please.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Bottled Up

Before I joined ACJC, I always thought that regardless of who you are, AC=Snobs and arrogant bastards who are self-centered. This, is of course wrong. I have had many nice friends in the college and I'm really thankful for that. I love the school. I really do.

I had a drastic change of opinions for ACJC. Despite that, I believe that many people still share the above opinions about AC. I went down to a school to sell my coupons today and it was honestly one of the most embarrassing and awkward moment ever. Wearing the uniform inside makes you look like a live target for people to direct their cold-stares and perhaps insults on. It pisses me off but I think I can't really blame them for what they think now, since I shared similar opinions too. I guess it's hard to convince them to think otherwise. Don't think they'll ever know the full story until they actually study there.

However, I did notice some common questions and I wanted to post some thoughts about it. So here goes:

1. Your school is so rich already. Why must you raise funds?

Firstly, all the sports facilities you see in ACJC were all raised by previous Fun-O-Ramas which took like... at least 10-20 years perhaps. Of course there are donations but majority of the hard work goes to the members of the school to set up stalls and come down to your school to sell coupons. Mind you, we're raising funds almost by ourselves to make the school better. Please do not criticize us for ripping your beloved cash away from you. We don't like to do it too. Sometimes we have no choice. Despite that, we're really sincere in what we say to you. Your help is really appreciated.

2. Telling them that you're from AC is as good as throwing away your opportunities to sell the coupons.

Because of the opinion I've talked about in the beginning, many people turn their heads away immediately when they hear anything "AC" related. You don't need to be a psychologist to read their minds.

With regards to the trend above, I just want to point out that your school, no matter how "humble" you think it is, houses snobs and bastards too. Please do not do all this "school-profiling" thing even though it's difficult for you to stop thinking stuff like that since you don't understand the AC school culture well. It's definately not one that encourages pragmatism and turns angels into demons. School profiling is unfair, and I think that "whispering" stuff like "ACJC sucks" to a group of less than 20 ACJC students in your school just shows us how much balls you have.

It's an unfair thing to do, because everyone have different personalities. Not everyone is a slut/bastard. Same goes for your school. Don't judge a book by its cover, and more importantly someone from his/her uniform. Give yourself a chance to know someone else better by looking at the person's personality instead. Don't leave a bad impression of your school in our hearts. I believe it won't be nice to both parties.

So.... In conclusion, we're students like you do. We have to take A'Levels and we are definately not a party school. It's pretty stupid if you thought we were something else. So... why see us differently when in fact all of us are the same? Is it because of the uniform we're wearing now? Is it fair to stereotype a person you don't know from a particular institute just because you've had nasty experiences or heard rumours about them?

Frankly we don't deserve that. This is why I try to shun away from any forms of sterotypes and racial profiling. I think this is just unfair to the person who is the target of all your shit.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Happy CNY.... Maybe

I'm not pessimistic about Chinese New Year. After all, it is an occasion where families get together and sit around the table for a reunion dinner, catch up about all the things they have done recently, be it investments or business or schoolwork. Then they will go visiting relative's houses to collect Red Packets and perhaps sell some Fun-O-Rama coupons. Hahahaha. It is a time to rejoice in the reunion of families and just immerse yourself in the warmth and comfort of your family.

All those scenarios described above, does not usually fit me. I won't whine about how I have no relatives in Singapore because most of them are like... in different parts of the world. but being denied experiences like these made me cynical about CNY. Although I do collect Red Packets from my parents, well I still feel that all those "festivities" and the "mood" is missing. To make matters worse, my mom left Singapore to Europe for a businesstrip during CNY eve because there is some telecomm show held by the people there.

Nicely done, ang-mohs. Don't you know this appointment is made 5000 years ago already?

So here I am, typing this post because there is this irritating sense of emptiness inside of me, emptiness cause perhaps by loneliness and alot of other things. Oh well, since I'm an " I " person (MBTI thing), I should be okay with it. After all, I've been living with myself for so long.

Happy Chinese Valentine's Day Everyone

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Uncertainty kills

Uncertainty kills, and it's killing me right now.

That's why I've made a decision.

I just want to move on with my life, if you want to go with me, awesome.

If you don't, please just tell me so that at least I won't be tortured by my own thoughts.

Sometimes I just wanna be sure

Friday, February 5, 2010


It's amazing what 5 days can do to a group of strangers coming from different schools. Looking back at these eventful days, I'm amazed at how we grew to bond together and also how we grew closer to each other. I still remember the first day when we introduced ourselves to each other. Sheriff (Zhan Hong) definately didn't talk much, Winston was basically silent, and most of us were still awkward with each other. After that day, through the games and activities, especially Scrabble, I started opening myself more to all of you. By the time we played the Shampoo game I can say that I'm totally in love with this group. I'm sure most of you all started to become more active in the group too.

It's really awesome the way we cheered each other on in games, how we all complained that certain lectures and totally boring and a waste of our precious time, and how we all agree that sitting in the hall for freaking 6 hours bores the hell out of us.

Campfire totally rocked. We were screaming at the top of our lungs despite having sore throats and joined human trains going nowhere again and again. It was totally awesome. At the end, the fact that we're all going to go into our individual classes next week just suddenly dawned on me. Just when we are so familiar and so bonded with each other, we're splitting up. Well.... although it cannot be avoided, I was still feeling kinda emotional when I bade farewell to all of you. I wonder if I'll ever be in the same class as you, but chances of that kinda little I guess considering my subject combinations. The thought that we might have little chances of seeing each other again once the workload is dumped on us like how a garbage truck dumps garbage into the landfill.

Anyway, all of this wouldn't be possible without our awesome fantastic wonderful and amazing OGLs, Kelly, Renaldy and Joanna. They stuck with us and never stopped encouraging us, always reminding that they're there for us when we need them and true enough, they fufilled their promise. MAIM would never be the same without you, and I couldn't even imagine what it will be like if the 3 of you hadn't reached out your hand deep into our hearts. I think it's worth repeating this again: MAIM OGLs are awesome fantastic wonderful and amazing. I Love You.

Aaaaannnnd to all MAIM OG mates, you are definately one of the most terrific OG mates ever. I had so much fun with you guys. I know some of the stuff here are kinda weird and maybe a little mushy, and it's not something that a guy will usually write but I just figured that since I have the inspiration right after campfire, I might as well let these ideas flow out of my mind and into my fingertips. I will most definately treausre these memories and I just wanted to say that I love you all so much because you have given me so much, more than what I asked for in the first place.

Orientation Ends, but MAIM stays on forever. This is just the beginning. I'll work hard to make it last. I hope I've been a nice OG Rep to you. MAIM FTW!

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Please tell me I'm not cheated.

New Paths

So here I am...

Walking into a new life tomorrow.

I'm nervous

I'm excited

I'm uncertain

I hope that everything will turn out fine.

Courage Jerry....

Walk On. Keep Walking. You'll make it.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010


Yes I was waken at freaking 7:13am today.

I was posted to ACJC Arts.

Am I happy?

Actually, I'm more exhausted than happy since I slept like about 5 hours plus.

Hope I can fit well into the class.

And hopefully get a scholarship too. I know it's not cheap studying there.

Haha. At least I have a place to go now

Monday, January 25, 2010

Bye Bye Beautiful

Finally the hills are without eyes
They are tired of painting a dead man`s face red
With their own blood

They used to love having so much to lose
Blink your eyes just once and see everything in ruins

Did you ever hear what I told you
Did you ever read what I wrote you
Did you ever listen to what we played
Did you ever let in what the world said
Did we get this far just to feel your hate
Did we play to become only pawns in the game
How blind can you be, don`t you see
You chose the long road but we`ll be waiting

Bye bye beautiful

Jacob`s ghost for the girl in white
Blindfold for the blind
Dead siblings walking the dying earth

Noose around a choking heart
Eternity torn apart
Slow toll now the funeral bells

”I need to die to feel alive”

Did you ever hear what I told you
Did you ever read what I wrote you
Did you ever listen to what we played
Did you ever let in what the world said
Did we get this far just to feel your hate
Did we play to become only pawns in the game
How blind can you be, don`t you see
You chose the long road but we`ll be waiting

Bye bye beautiful

It`s not the tree that forsakes the flower
But the flower that forsakes the tree
Someday I`ll learn to love these scars
Still fresh from the red-hot blade of your words

...How blind can you be, don`t you see...
...that the gambler lost all he does not have...

Did you ever hear what I told you
Did you ever read what I wrote you
Did you ever listen to what we played
Did you ever let in what the world said
Did we get this far just to feel your hate
Did we play to become only pawns in the game
How blind can you be, don`t you see
You chose the long road but we`ll be waiting

Bye bye beautiful

Friday, January 22, 2010

Hormones? Maybe....

I'm not sure about you, but ever had this feeling where you see your friends getting girlfriends and all, there is this bit of jealousy or envy poking you inside. You'll have this voice inside you which says "Damn I wished I had a girlfriend. Lucky bastard".

This thought could go either way.

You can go "Damn I'm in an all boys school. How in the world am I going to get a girlfriend if I don't have many female friends to start with? " and you'll go FML and continue to envy those people who have girlfriends and all and part of you wished that they were dead. Haha

Another way is that you will actually try to be like them and start courting girls and all. A long process but when you finally succeed and after some later, you suddenly realised that having girlfriends and all requires alot more time and committment that you thought. And suddenly you find that you are not prepared for this. At all.

You begin to question "Why did I ever do that in the first place?" and you find yourself not being able to answer your own question. You're at a loss and you start to wonder "This isn't what I wanted. Shit". Then you begin to neglect her and lose contact till the point where the both of you break up. It's not that you're fickle, it's just that perhaps you feel that it's a strain or you feel that you're not ready for stuff like that because you don't know what you really want.

At the end of the day, what you get is only regret and guilt because you literally mutilated someone's heart, but alas, what can you do? I guests no words can describe your feelings at that time. It's a mixture of all the negative emotions, and you feel as if you've taken the most disgusting food or something. Something like blended cheeseburger with blue cheese and raw intestines or something.

And then you'll start blaming yourself with this question, "If I'm not ready, why the fuck did I get involved in the first place?" or "Congratu-fucking-lations. You've just hurt someone real bad. I hope you're happy, asshole". It'll start to feel really awful. You hope to reconcile but you are too ashamed of what you've done so you just leave it alone.

So after you're through with all that, you know what's worse? The process repeats itself. When it happens from square one again... you are most probably going to say the following:

**** my darn hormones.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Full Circle

Yes, today I went out with the Hong Kong Exchange group again to Sentosa. Haha this was the place where we first met 2 years ago. Now we've come full circle. Actually this is a meaningful outing as this would probably be the last time we'll ever get together again, because all of us are starting school in different institutions scattered across the island. We'll all be busy with our own stuff, so who knows when we'll get together like today again?

Anyway, I'll talk about today's activity before moving on to personal feelings and stuff. So... we met outside Food Republic at about 12pm, because Bryan Ong was late and Myles was fooling around with us. Took the monorail to the Beach Station thanks to Samantha's Islander tickets. We found a spot at Siloso Beach under the shade of coconut trees with no coconuts on them and began our picnic.

Now that I think about it, I'm really sorry for not bringing any food today. It's not that I'm lazy or something, but it's just that I'm really not good at making food. Even if I brought, it would just be bottled drinks and chips, which I believe its nothing special. And the food you guys brought were absolutely DELICIOUS. Lizzi's sandwich, Samantha's Sushi and fruits, Myles's chicken and Peter's Fried Bee Hoon. I haven't had a picnic for god knows how long, but the experience was really unique. Haha.

After food we played Monkey with the Netball Peter brought. It all seemed to go well until Peter did a volleyball smack on the ball with his fist. The ball went flying and hit a little girl on the head, which made her cry. We felt damn guilty.

All right.... Fast forwarding to the Luge ride. We almost wanted to cancel the Luge Ride because it was raining, but eventually the sky cleared and we can proceed with what we planned. The skyride was peaceful and romantic, if you are sitting beside with your girlfriend or something. Oh well, it feels nice too with Bryan Ong, Not that I'm gay but yeah you feel peaceful and happy sitting beside good friends too. The Luge Ride is short. A little too short for $11.

After the Luge we went to play some games at the beach. I swear "Freeze and Melt" is really the most fun game ever. Fun, and tiring. Afterwards I went for a shower. Showering after a day of activities is really the best thing ever. Too bad the girls didn't bring extra clothes. After that was dinner, and then home.

Haha now to the personal feelings section.

Actually I was really feeling abit sad when I left the train with Bryan Ong. Honestly you guys have really given me alot of wonderful memories throughout the 2 years. Looking back, I really feel that I've kinda neglected you guys during the HK trip with my little emotional episodes, but haha I hope it's still not too late for me to tell you all that you are really one of the best groups of people I've met. Emotional stuff come and go, but you guys have been with me throughout two years. I really appreciate that and I shall write all of your names here:


You are all awesome people. I wish all of you success in the future, and I hope that our friendship will never fade. Haha sounds like some textbook thing right?

Well before we all set out for different paths, I just hope that the HK people who have a chance to view this blog can take time to listen to this song by Kousuke Atari

Success and GodSpeed my Friends!

Sunday, January 17, 2010

I hate FLU.

I officially hate the flu. I mean, I never liked it in the first place, but I never hated it that much either before. It's horrible to still feel completely exhausted even after 9 hours of sleep. And the fact that your nose is clogged like a drain filled with rubbish only rubs salt to the wound. It totally spoils my activities for the day. Actually I wanted to go to the gym for a workout, but because of this dumb flu, I can't. So I have to stay home and live the life of a pig. And... today I actually wanted to try to choreo some simple moves for the upcoming pre-camp briefing skit, but because of this flu, the inertia to actually practise them becomes even greater. I'm so gonna die for the rehearsal on Sunday.

Well, speaking of the ZB SSC skit, here are some moves I was looking up on the internet to be used as an entrance for the characters:

1. Butterfly Kick
2. Butterfly Twist
3. Cartwheel
4. Flagpole (No need to hold it for very long)

So... I'm still thinking of that. I'm gonna learn it first and hopefully teach it successfully to them. If not I'll just download the video and show them la. Anyway, back to Youtube. Ciao

Thursday, January 14, 2010

I need some retail therapy.

I'm finally done with JAE at like... 12am today. Haha. It has definately been one of the most tiring things ever, choosing schools and attending open houses one after another, although the latter was fun. Hanging out together with Yustynn, Max, Ian and Thomas has been a really fun experience. The open houses were really awesome too because we got familiar people to show us around, so that we won't be provided with politically correct answers when we ask sensitive questions such as "Does your school have a strong sense of school spirit and culture?", or "The girls here hot or not?". Haha.

Now that I'm finally done with it, I really need to go relax abit. I've been thinking of retail therapy, so maybe I'll head down to Ion or something to check out the stores there. I really liked the Uniqlo T-shirts, cheap and comfortable. Maybe I'll get some today.

I guess this marks the end of Phase II. Haha it's time to relax again now before the posting results come out.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Finalizing In Process

My tuesdays and wednesdays were spent visiting open houses, like many other applicants of the JAE. Went to open houses of 3 schools that I'm interested in/asked to check it out by my parents. So I went to CJ, AC and NJ. I know there were many more open houses but unfortunately I can't be in many places at one time.

Visiting open houses really helps me understand the school much better. So now I probably have an idea of which schools I want to pick. A little change in my plans for the CLEP, and now I'm porpbably putting TJ as my 2nd choice. First choice may be ACJC because I was really impressed by their open house. I don't mind NJ too if I could get in, but I guess if I really went there I would mug until I die. So... I hope that I can get into the school of my choice.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Probably read about this loads of times

My O'Level results can be interpreted in many different ways:

1. This is the first time I've ever gotten a single digit since 4 years. 9 Points. That's an improvement I guess. I should be happy. Real happy.

2. I finally got an A1 in English after all the stupid B's and C's for the past 3 years. I should feel happy.

3. My HMT is an A2 instead of the B4 or even C5 or C6. I should feel happy.

4. I managed to get my act together after MYEs. I should be happy that I'm not getting double digit.

5. My Languages and Combined Humanities saved my ass. Literally. If not for those I'll be dead. I should be jumping for joy.

Notice the words "should be". Anyone reading this would know that I'm not. 9 points. I'm not trying to mock those who got 10 and above but to me, 9 points is enough to make me regret for a long time, because there are certain subjects which disappointed me to the core.

1. My Literature. I still don't understand why I got a B3. I expected an A1, I felt so damn good about the paper and now, freaking B3. If I had gotten an A1 I would have been able to go VJ and NJ already.

Is this some kind of sign from God to get me stuck somewhere in the middle? So close but yet so far.... Now I have to make decisions in a very narrow range. Hopefully I can get into the school I want, which is probably TJC where I'll try to apply for the CLEP program. I guess I'm better at Languages than Sciences and Math, drill drill drill only get A2. I won't want to suffer in Science stream, so probably have to go arts.

I have set my mind on CLEP course in TJC. I hope I'm eligible for it. I hope A2 for HMT, A1 for Chinese and A1 for English is enough. Haha Julia if you're reading this could you give me some info on CLEP or any Humanities program in TJ if you know any? Sorry to trouble you.

I'm thinking ACJC, VJC, NJC too. Will try for NJC and VJC arts. I went to CJC open house today. Although the facilities has seen better days, it feels kinda heartwarming. I'm considering that too. But anyway, TJC is still my first choice. I really hope I can go there. Only till then will I be fully relieved. Even though the distance is far, but I'll suck it up. It's just 2 years. I'm gonna stick it through no matter what if I go there.

Friday, January 8, 2010

It is Getting More And More Boring

Yes, My blog is becoming more and more boring. Even I am bored reading my own posts. I think I'm having the writer's block, where absolutely nothing comes into my head when I'm staring at the computer screen. I wish this would change. I miss the days where ideas would just flow freely from my mind and into the keyboard, but now it seems that they are all stuck in a certain part of my brain, as if a huge dam is blocking them. Hate this feeling, but I can't do anything about it. Should I delete this and start over? Or should I delete this and never create another blog again? I don't know. I have more important things on my mind.

Yes, you guessed it. What else besides the O'Level Results? I believe it's on every Sec 4's mind now. I'm having mixed feelings about how my results will turn out now. On one hand I think that I will achieve my goal, and on the other hand I keep on thinking of uncertainties. Uncertainty is frightening. For example, during an injection you're probably more nervous or afraid during the time where the needle does not stick into your flesh. That's the thing. You don't know what will happen. More often am I haunted by uncertainties of how my results will turn out. Will it be good or bad? Will I jump for joy or weep? Will I be contended with my performance or regret again? I don't know. I really don't know.

And that is what precisely is killing me.

Whatever it is, God just give me enough strength to accept it, and hopefully it'll be well. I need this more than ever.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Results on the 11th.... Blah Blah Blah

Finally there's a confirmation of the date. If I told you that I didn't care about my results, that would be bullshit. How can I not? I've been having dreams and nightmares about it since after the exams ended. And as the day draws closer, the more I think about it, the more I feel as if I screwed up for the O's. And the more I think about that the more afraid I get, as if my future will just collapse right in front of me. Screw this paranoia. Look forward. Arghh

Monday, January 4, 2010


Saying goes "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me". I guess this is the second time I've been fooled. Once I thought you forgot about me, but when you said you didn't, well I believed it. So I spend time selecting and copying all those stuff, hoping it would really help you if you ever need it.

And I was thick-skinned enough to arrange this meeting, just to wait freaking 40 minutes like some damn idiot. When you finally came with your whole bunch of friends that's when I knew that to you, I'm not actually that important. I felt tired and frustrated. So you know what?

I don't give a damn anymore. You can just fucking throw the stuff I gave you into the bin and i won't give a shit. Last time I'll ever do something foolish like that.

Hope you're happy. Screw so-called "Friendship"

I wish you success. Really

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Chinese Songs

A recent trip to the KTV with my parents made me realise that I should be born in the 80's. Because I can only sing songs belonging to that age. It was also during the KTV session where I realised that music during the 80's is totally awesome, one of the best I've ever heard. A little old fashioned, maybe, but it's the period of time where alot of focus is put on their singing abilities instead of outward appearances and advertising. Check out some videos below. They're my personal favourites:

王馨平 - 別問我是誰


This version is quite new... co-produced by Dick Lee

Well maybe I'll just upload these two.... Haha call me old fashioned...