Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Sometimes life is just odd, twisted and complicated. I must be going through a Philadelphia, especially when you know someone's the one for you and yet life's arrangement just coincidentally denies you that opportunity. Note the word "coincidentally". You can't really blame life, but at the same time you lament it for taking away what seemed like the one person whom you truly like.

I don't blame life, but I wonder why life has decided to play my life out in this way. You asked me why do I always listen to that one particular song, and I replied that the song touches a certain part of you which you don't understand, and I said it reminds you of certain things. Everytime I listen to that song I'm reminded of something which I thought I had forgotten already. It's a bittersweet feeling. Painful but at the same time you don't want it to stop.

I'm not one who likes to live in memories.... but things like that are becoming increasingly hard to forget. It took me some strength and time to do it the first time, but can I do it the second time? I'll leave that answer for time to decide, but right now I choose to replay that song again.

I know we always say "Hey we need to move on". But right now, I don't want to move on. I'm afraid one day we'll be total strangers with each other. Before that day comes, let me do my all to etch my memories with you inside my head, no matter how insignificant they are.

I hope you find happiness, at the same time I wished that happiness was mine. Oh, what a hypocrite I am. Haha.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010


Hi blog.

Seems I've left you alone for quite some time. There hasn't been much free time for me to blog since school and CCA started. Life has been busy, with all the lecture-tutorial system draining the life out of me, ending school at 4:30pm despite having loads of breaks. Honestly I would rather have many lessons crammed together and go home early instead of having loads of breaks and end school late. Sometimes that's just the way the world works. Fair? I think so. Even as I'm typing this, which I shouldn't because the opportunity cost for me doing so would be too great (unfinished work and all), but sometimes the need to do a little reflection really helps alot. SJI thing, ya know. Hahaha. Even as the years pass, even as you hate doing so much reflections in school, when you actually leave the place, the habit sort of sticks with you for perhaps a lifetime. I miss SJI. I really do.

But that's beside the point. I realised that as I have many more tasks to manage in my life, I tend to really lose control of my priorities. Let's see the upcoming tasks for this week.

1. Revise and complete tutorials in time.
2. Practise Guitar Competition pieces
3. Practise my Grade 5 guitar stuff.
4. Math Tuition
5. GP Tution (Yes my GP is not good)
6. Guitar Competition on Saturday
7. Titong Meeting on Sunday which is super extremely important.

For task number 1, I fail terribly at it. Procrastinating is not what I'm supposed to be doing right now. And yet, my attention span on my work is less than 20 minutes. Curse this attitude of mine. Sometimes I ask myself why. Why this is happening to me. A voice inside me always responds by saying "Because you're not strong enough".

2. Competition's on saturday. I won't spend too much time harping on it. I just hope that my first performance goes well. I did spend alot of time on it, at least practising during the weekends or when I get home from CCA. So much so that my own Grade 5 pieces have been neglected to the point that I still have to sight read my exam pieces. I need to squeeze time into practising my exam pieces.

3. Won't say too much on my tuition. Although I would really appreciate the free time to go gym or something since I'm getting unfit and my tummy's becoming bigger, it's what I have to do in order to at least understand what's going on in school. Sometimes I wished I was a genius, but who doesn't? Just got to suck it up.

4. Titong stuff. Yes I do enjoy what I'm doing, but it's not without its difficulties. Especially when I have such high expectations on this year's Exco Invesiture. It's going to be a whole new concept, and there are definately alot of things that we have to work on. Yes it is frustrating and tiring sometimes, but I'm not going to give up. I'll see it through no matter what. So please work with me, and let's create the best Exco Invesiture ever.

Anyway, sometimes I really feel damn tired, to the point where I can just fall asleep on my desk. Of course, in reality I can't really do that since I have loads of stuff to catch up. Who isn't tired nowadays? The most important thing is how you are able to persevere on and keep moving even though your brain tells you "It's enough". So I'll have to keep on walking, even if guided by sheer willpower alone.