Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Skeletons in the Closet

Everyone has memories that they hide deep within their heart, especially painful memories that they bandanged carefully deep within their heart. You don't talk about it, even thinking about it makes you sad. If you have some memories like this, imagine this:

What would happen if someone just tore apart that bandage you spent weeks, months, or even years wrapping it around your heart? If you do, you probably understand how I'm feeling right now. It's literally deja vu. The past memories which I have been trying desperately to forget, to seal, to recover from just come rushing back at me. It hurts. To the point where I actually can feel blood just gushing out of my heart like a raging river.

It's not the point that I can't suck it up or I am taking this too seriously. Maybe you just didn't know the background story of this thing. If you do, then perhaps you'll understand. But thanks anyway. Appreciate it.

For those who just enjoy watching me fall, just remember that what you say will come back to you. And this time, I will be the one telling that to you straight at your face. I won't forget today. I swear I never will.

Sometimes I wish I can tell what happened to someone. So that whoever that listened will do something nice such as say some words of encouragement, offer advice and tips, or whatever it is you can do.Then things will be much easier. But somehow, like what I said in the beginning, this are some of the skeletons in my closet.

Now this incident just makes it more difficult for me to really trust someone.

Hurts doesn't it?

Monday, May 18, 2009

Science Vs Religion

Interesting topic. Inspired by the movie "Angels and Demons". It's a marvellous show, by the way, please do catch it if you have the free time. I saw the same topic on Amelia's blog too while blog-hopping. I was thinking of writing some long and cheem stuff about this, which I possibly will if I have the free time. But in the meantime, I'll give you the same question that may be floating in people's mind after the movie.

Science and Religion. Which side will you pick?

Saturday, May 16, 2009

This blog has gone stale. Sometimes I'm updating it just for the sake of updating it. It's not as if anyone reads it except myself who checks it almost every day because I have nothing better to do on my computer. I'm bored. Totally bored. There is nothing to do, nothing to be done, and no energy to do it with (MockingBird Flashback). Worse of all i just feel lousy. Lousy that I just screwed my Mid-years. Totally screwed it up. Procrastinating. I'm never going to do that again. I swear i'll get a heart attack if there is a repeat of this, but this term I just feel tired. Exhausted. Frustrated. Blah. Don't know what the hell happened to me. This wasn't what happened in Term 1. All that I worked for has seemed to go down the drain. A drain that leads to the big "Motivation Disposal Centre".

Hell, what's done cannot be undone. But where I've failed before, I'll succeed this time. There can't be anymore room for mistakes like this. All there is to do now is just think about how I can do better for my Prelims and eventually the Big O's.

Going back into procrastinating, it's something that makes my life living hell for the past 2 weeks. In fact I feel so burnt out right now my mind is a total blank. Even Kami No Shizuku, the drama which I've been saving up a long time for, doesn't interest me anymore. It was quite a disappointing show. I should have bought Beethoven Virus instead. Sigh...

What's next for me? June holidays use to catch up work, Lit seminar which I'll be presenting my very weird ideas in, mug, mug, and more mugging I guess. I just hope that I can be disciplined enough. It's what always kills me. This time it'll be different. Even if it means smashing my com with a bloody hammer. I'll do it.