Actually I wanted to say "Even though it was a little embarassing, it was one of the nicest things I've heard in awhile. Thanks"

But the reply you gave just changed my mind completely. Now what I really want to say is just "Are you stupid enough to not know how to say the right things at the right time?"

I hate how life presents me with one last chance but I am still not treasuring this opportunity.
I hate how I am motivated at first but end up distracted.
I hate how I can't find the passion for learning.
I hate not doing well for studies, and yet slacking my fucking ass off at home.
I hate how I make promises and conpromises to myself.
I hate how you, the person who is the least likely to appear on my mind, suddenly do.

What the fuck is wrong with me.

I always thought I could vent off steam on a punching bag. Guess I was wrong. What I did was to let frustration and negative emotions manifest and take control over me. I wasn't releasing them. I was letting them grow. This created strength, but stirred violent emotions within me. It gets harder and harder to restrain them. But you know what.... It felt damn good while it lasted.

Anyway, due to the post-promos burnout, my mind has grown to be fat and lazy. I can't even sit down to do a Math problem or read Leviathan without being distracted and bored. I need to get my lazy ass mind to start working again. COME ON JERRY. You can do so much more than this. You're running out of time as it is. Wake up. Now.

Life's been going downhill now. It's hard to get my lazy-ass mind to exercise itself, been sleeping late doing unimportant stuff, getting distracted easily, no plan or whatsoever for the holidays, time flying past me, don't know what else to do for OP, and my guitar playing is getting lousier. I don't know whether is it because I didn't practice as much or I've hit a bottleneck.

Hiccups, that's what they are. I'll overcome them. Meanwhile all the best to the J2's who are going through Hell. Hahaha. Soon it'll be Purgatory for them and finally, Heaven. All the best y'all.

Ever since I entered JC blogging has become a privilege that I seldom indulge in. I'm either too tired or just too lazy. Majority of the time its the latter. With all the PW stuff and the essay and the things we have to do, sometimes you just don't feel like writing anymore. With the WR out of the way and the academic year coming to a close, finally I have some free time on my hands to blog.

Well, Promos are over. Results? AACCE. Promoted, but not fantastic. There were some subjects which I studied really hard for and yet its not reflected. There were some subjects that I obviously would have done better had I studied harder for it. My parents seemed pleased. I'm not. Before I had gotten my results, all I wanted to do was to promote. Now that I'm promoted, I feel that I let myself down. I should be satisfied, but I'm not.

I guess it's really time to step my game up. I can feel it already. It is indeed my last shot at this. One academic year gone in the blink of an eye. Just awhile ago it was still Orientation. Time really flies. This made me realise that soon enough, I will be the one collecting my A Level results. Where do I go from there? I never gave any thought about it.

I'm uncertain about the future. This uncertainty resulted in the my aversion with regard to thinking about my future. It's time I started. To be honest, thinking about my future scares me. I fear that I may not realize my ambitions. If i don't start now, I'll never be able to. To think that I've kinda wasted one year, letting opportunities fly past me is really something that will haunt me.

But I'm going to make it all up. I'm finally getting my directions sorted out. It's my time. If I try a 100 times and fail, and I just give up, then I'm never going to succeed. I need to keep trying, and seek for the right methods and go in the right direction. I'm not letting myself down again. Please God, be with me.