Sometimes life is just odd, twisted and complicated. I must be going through a Philadelphia, especially when you know someone's the one for you and yet life's arrangement just coincidentally denies you that opportunity. Note the word "coincidentally". You can't really blame life, but at the same time you lament it for taking away what seemed like the one person whom you truly like.

I don't blame life, but I wonder why life has decided to play my life out in this way. You asked me why do I always listen to that one particular song, and I replied that the song touches a certain part of you which you don't understand, and I said it reminds you of certain things. Everytime I listen to that song I'm reminded of something which I thought I had forgotten already. It's a bittersweet feeling. Painful but at the same time you don't want it to stop.

I'm not one who likes to live in memories.... but things like that are becoming increasingly hard to forget. It took me some strength and time to do it the first time, but can I do it the second time? I'll leave that answer for time to decide, but right now I choose to replay that song again.

I know we always say "Hey we need to move on". But right now, I don't want to move on. I'm afraid one day we'll be total strangers with each other. Before that day comes, let me do my all to etch my memories with you inside my head, no matter how insignificant they are.

I hope you find happiness, at the same time I wished that happiness was mine. Oh, what a hypocrite I am. Haha.

BUSY!!!

Hi blog.

Seems I've left you alone for quite some time. There hasn't been much free time for me to blog since school and CCA started. Life has been busy, with all the lecture-tutorial system draining the life out of me, ending school at 4:30pm despite having loads of breaks. Honestly I would rather have many lessons crammed together and go home early instead of having loads of breaks and end school late. Sometimes that's just the way the world works. Fair? I think so. Even as I'm typing this, which I shouldn't because the opportunity cost for me doing so would be too great (unfinished work and all), but sometimes the need to do a little reflection really helps alot. SJI thing, ya know. Hahaha. Even as the years pass, even as you hate doing so much reflections in school, when you actually leave the place, the habit sort of sticks with you for perhaps a lifetime. I miss SJI. I really do.

But that's beside the point. I realised that as I have many more tasks to manage in my life, I tend to really lose control of my priorities. Let's see the upcoming tasks for this week.

1. Revise and complete tutorials in time.
2. Practise Guitar Competition pieces
3. Practise my Grade 5 guitar stuff.
4. Math Tuition
5. GP Tution (Yes my GP is not good)
6. Guitar Competition on Saturday
7. Titong Meeting on Sunday which is super extremely important.

For task number 1, I fail terribly at it. Procrastinating is not what I'm supposed to be doing right now. And yet, my attention span on my work is less than 20 minutes. Curse this attitude of mine. Sometimes I ask myself why. Why this is happening to me. A voice inside me always responds by saying "Because you're not strong enough".

2. Competition's on saturday. I won't spend too much time harping on it. I just hope that my first performance goes well. I did spend alot of time on it, at least practising during the weekends or when I get home from CCA. So much so that my own Grade 5 pieces have been neglected to the point that I still have to sight read my exam pieces. I need to squeeze time into practising my exam pieces.

3. Won't say too much on my tuition. Although I would really appreciate the free time to go gym or something since I'm getting unfit and my tummy's becoming bigger, it's what I have to do in order to at least understand what's going on in school. Sometimes I wished I was a genius, but who doesn't? Just got to suck it up.

4. Titong stuff. Yes I do enjoy what I'm doing, but it's not without its difficulties. Especially when I have such high expectations on this year's Exco Invesiture. It's going to be a whole new concept, and there are definately alot of things that we have to work on. Yes it is frustrating and tiring sometimes, but I'm not going to give up. I'll see it through no matter what. So please work with me, and let's create the best Exco Invesiture ever.

Anyway, sometimes I really feel damn tired, to the point where I can just fall asleep on my desk. Of course, in reality I can't really do that since I have loads of stuff to catch up. Who isn't tired nowadays? The most important thing is how you are able to persevere on and keep moving even though your brain tells you "It's enough". So I'll have to keep on walking, even if guided by sheer willpower alone.

DEAD

My blog is dead. Really. And I'm kinda lazy to update it..... Ahh too busy too busy too busy.....

Please Take A Second Look

I noticed I tend to behave oddly around girls, especially when I'm around my classmates and OG mates. I'll share some of these things here.

1. I tend to crack jokes. Alot. Unnecessary ones. ALOT of unnecessary jokes.

2. I tend to suan them alot.

3. This is the most weird. I will start saying nonsensical stuff to myself.

4, I will tend to whine a little too. WHINE. Can you believe it?

As a result of these 4 behaviours, I have OG mates who thinks every sentence that comes out of my mouth is an insult. And i may become a serious pain in the ass sometimes. If I saw me, I would dislike me.

I do that because sometimes I just don't know how to react in front of girls. Then I will do this auto-switch into my "Stupid and Annoying mode". It's not really my true self la... I am not that mean. And I don't mean 99% of the stuff I say.

It's a flaw, but it does not truly reveal who I am. I guess it might be some sort of mask that I unconsciously wear on my face. It's like... I know this is happening but every time I try to tear it from my face, it sticks on even harder than before. How can I ever remove it? Bit by bit I guess.

I always thought that humour brings people closer together. Hence I have all these retarded stuff coming out of me. Apparently it's not always the case. Hence, I'm at a lost of what to do. When this happens I may seem odd.

Just wanna let you all know that you're awesome and please do give me a chance to let me show you who I really am. You might ask "Why didn't I do this earlier?"
Well, it's a long story and I really wished that I could share it with you, but it's something that is hidden waaay down. I wish I could, really.

Who in the world likes being the "mean one" or the "lame one"?. It's meant to be a rhetorical question. No jokes with the first word of the paragraph please.

Bottled Up

Before I joined ACJC, I always thought that regardless of who you are, AC=Snobs and arrogant bastards who are self-centered. This, is of course wrong. I have had many nice friends in the college and I'm really thankful for that. I love the school. I really do.

I had a drastic change of opinions for ACJC. Despite that, I believe that many people still share the above opinions about AC. I went down to a school to sell my coupons today and it was honestly one of the most embarrassing and awkward moment ever. Wearing the uniform inside makes you look like a live target for people to direct their cold-stares and perhaps insults on. It pisses me off but I think I can't really blame them for what they think now, since I shared similar opinions too. I guess it's hard to convince them to think otherwise. Don't think they'll ever know the full story until they actually study there.

However, I did notice some common questions and I wanted to post some thoughts about it. So here goes:

1. Your school is so rich already. Why must you raise funds?

Firstly, all the sports facilities you see in ACJC were all raised by previous Fun-O-Ramas which took like... at least 10-20 years perhaps. Of course there are donations but majority of the hard work goes to the members of the school to set up stalls and come down to your school to sell coupons. Mind you, we're raising funds almost by ourselves to make the school better. Please do not criticize us for ripping your beloved cash away from you. We don't like to do it too. Sometimes we have no choice. Despite that, we're really sincere in what we say to you. Your help is really appreciated.

2. Telling them that you're from AC is as good as throwing away your opportunities to sell the coupons.

Because of the opinion I've talked about in the beginning, many people turn their heads away immediately when they hear anything "AC" related. You don't need to be a psychologist to read their minds.

With regards to the trend above, I just want to point out that your school, no matter how "humble" you think it is, houses snobs and bastards too. Please do not do all this "school-profiling" thing even though it's difficult for you to stop thinking stuff like that since you don't understand the AC school culture well. It's definately not one that encourages pragmatism and turns angels into demons. School profiling is unfair, and I think that "whispering" stuff like "ACJC sucks" to a group of less than 20 ACJC students in your school just shows us how much balls you have.

It's an unfair thing to do, because everyone have different personalities. Not everyone is a slut/bastard. Same goes for your school. Don't judge a book by its cover, and more importantly someone from his/her uniform. Give yourself a chance to know someone else better by looking at the person's personality instead. Don't leave a bad impression of your school in our hearts. I believe it won't be nice to both parties.

So.... In conclusion, we're students like you do. We have to take A'Levels and we are definately not a party school. It's pretty stupid if you thought we were something else. So... why see us differently when in fact all of us are the same? Is it because of the uniform we're wearing now? Is it fair to stereotype a person you don't know from a particular institute just because you've had nasty experiences or heard rumours about them?

Frankly we don't deserve that. This is why I try to shun away from any forms of sterotypes and racial profiling. I think this is just unfair to the person who is the target of all your shit.

Happy CNY.... Maybe

I'm not pessimistic about Chinese New Year. After all, it is an occasion where families get together and sit around the table for a reunion dinner, catch up about all the things they have done recently, be it investments or business or schoolwork. Then they will go visiting relative's houses to collect Red Packets and perhaps sell some Fun-O-Rama coupons. Hahahaha. It is a time to rejoice in the reunion of families and just immerse yourself in the warmth and comfort of your family.

All those scenarios described above, does not usually fit me. I won't whine about how I have no relatives in Singapore because most of them are like... in different parts of the world. but being denied experiences like these made me cynical about CNY. Although I do collect Red Packets from my parents, well I still feel that all those "festivities" and the "mood" is missing. To make matters worse, my mom left Singapore to Europe for a businesstrip during CNY eve because there is some telecomm show held by the people there.

Nicely done, ang-mohs. Don't you know this appointment is made 5000 years ago already?

So here I am, typing this post because there is this irritating sense of emptiness inside of me, emptiness cause perhaps by loneliness and alot of other things. Oh well, since I'm an " I " person (MBTI thing), I should be okay with it. After all, I've been living with myself for so long.

Happy Chinese Valentine's Day Everyone

Uncertainty kills

Uncertainty kills, and it's killing me right now.

That's why I've made a decision.

I just want to move on with my life, if you want to go with me, awesome.

If you don't, please just tell me so that at least I won't be tortured by my own thoughts.

Sometimes I just wanna be sure