Please tell me I'm not cheated.

New Paths

So here I am...

Walking into a new life tomorrow.

I'm nervous

I'm excited

I'm uncertain

I hope that everything will turn out fine.

Courage Jerry....

Walk On. Keep Walking. You'll make it.

Hello

Yes I was waken at freaking 7:13am today.

I was posted to ACJC Arts.

Am I happy?

Actually, I'm more exhausted than happy since I slept like about 5 hours plus.

Hope I can fit well into the class.

And hopefully get a scholarship too. I know it's not cheap studying there.

Haha. At least I have a place to go now

Bye Bye Beautiful

Finally the hills are without eyes
They are tired of painting a dead man`s face red
With their own blood

They used to love having so much to lose
Blink your eyes just once and see everything in ruins

Did you ever hear what I told you
Did you ever read what I wrote you
Did you ever listen to what we played
Did you ever let in what the world said
Did we get this far just to feel your hate
Did we play to become only pawns in the game
How blind can you be, don`t you see
You chose the long road but we`ll be waiting

Bye bye beautiful


Jacob`s ghost for the girl in white
Blindfold for the blind
Dead siblings walking the dying earth

Noose around a choking heart
Eternity torn apart
Slow toll now the funeral bells

”I need to die to feel alive”

Did you ever hear what I told you
Did you ever read what I wrote you
Did you ever listen to what we played
Did you ever let in what the world said
Did we get this far just to feel your hate
Did we play to become only pawns in the game
How blind can you be, don`t you see
You chose the long road but we`ll be waiting

Bye bye beautiful

It`s not the tree that forsakes the flower
But the flower that forsakes the tree
Someday I`ll learn to love these scars
Still fresh from the red-hot blade of your words

...How blind can you be, don`t you see...
...that the gambler lost all he does not have...

Did you ever hear what I told you
Did you ever read what I wrote you
Did you ever listen to what we played
Did you ever let in what the world said
Did we get this far just to feel your hate
Did we play to become only pawns in the game
How blind can you be, don`t you see
You chose the long road but we`ll be waiting

Bye bye beautiful

Hormones? Maybe....

I'm not sure about you, but ever had this feeling where you see your friends getting girlfriends and all, there is this bit of jealousy or envy poking you inside. You'll have this voice inside you which says "Damn I wished I had a girlfriend. Lucky bastard".

This thought could go either way.

You can go "Damn I'm in an all boys school. How in the world am I going to get a girlfriend if I don't have many female friends to start with? " and you'll go FML and continue to envy those people who have girlfriends and all and part of you wished that they were dead. Haha

Another way is that you will actually try to be like them and start courting girls and all. A long process but when you finally succeed and after some later, you suddenly realised that having girlfriends and all requires alot more time and committment that you thought. And suddenly you find that you are not prepared for this. At all.

You begin to question "Why did I ever do that in the first place?" and you find yourself not being able to answer your own question. You're at a loss and you start to wonder "This isn't what I wanted. Shit". Then you begin to neglect her and lose contact till the point where the both of you break up. It's not that you're fickle, it's just that perhaps you feel that it's a strain or you feel that you're not ready for stuff like that because you don't know what you really want.

At the end of the day, what you get is only regret and guilt because you literally mutilated someone's heart, but alas, what can you do? I guests no words can describe your feelings at that time. It's a mixture of all the negative emotions, and you feel as if you've taken the most disgusting food or something. Something like blended cheeseburger with blue cheese and raw intestines or something.

And then you'll start blaming yourself with this question, "If I'm not ready, why the fuck did I get involved in the first place?" or "Congratu-fucking-lations. You've just hurt someone real bad. I hope you're happy, asshole". It'll start to feel really awful. You hope to reconcile but you are too ashamed of what you've done so you just leave it alone.

So after you're through with all that, you know what's worse? The process repeats itself. When it happens from square one again... you are most probably going to say the following:

**** my darn hormones.

Full Circle

Yes, today I went out with the Hong Kong Exchange group again to Sentosa. Haha this was the place where we first met 2 years ago. Now we've come full circle. Actually this is a meaningful outing as this would probably be the last time we'll ever get together again, because all of us are starting school in different institutions scattered across the island. We'll all be busy with our own stuff, so who knows when we'll get together like today again?

Anyway, I'll talk about today's activity before moving on to personal feelings and stuff. So... we met outside Food Republic at about 12pm, because Bryan Ong was late and Myles was fooling around with us. Took the monorail to the Beach Station thanks to Samantha's Islander tickets. We found a spot at Siloso Beach under the shade of coconut trees with no coconuts on them and began our picnic.

Now that I think about it, I'm really sorry for not bringing any food today. It's not that I'm lazy or something, but it's just that I'm really not good at making food. Even if I brought, it would just be bottled drinks and chips, which I believe its nothing special. And the food you guys brought were absolutely DELICIOUS. Lizzi's sandwich, Samantha's Sushi and fruits, Myles's chicken and Peter's Fried Bee Hoon. I haven't had a picnic for god knows how long, but the experience was really unique. Haha.

After food we played Monkey with the Netball Peter brought. It all seemed to go well until Peter did a volleyball smack on the ball with his fist. The ball went flying and hit a little girl on the head, which made her cry. We felt damn guilty.

All right.... Fast forwarding to the Luge ride. We almost wanted to cancel the Luge Ride because it was raining, but eventually the sky cleared and we can proceed with what we planned. The skyride was peaceful and romantic, if you are sitting beside with your girlfriend or something. Oh well, it feels nice too with Bryan Ong, Not that I'm gay but yeah you feel peaceful and happy sitting beside good friends too. The Luge Ride is short. A little too short for $11.

After the Luge we went to play some games at the beach. I swear "Freeze and Melt" is really the most fun game ever. Fun, and tiring. Afterwards I went for a shower. Showering after a day of activities is really the best thing ever. Too bad the girls didn't bring extra clothes. After that was dinner, and then home.

Haha now to the personal feelings section.

Actually I was really feeling abit sad when I left the train with Bryan Ong. Honestly you guys have really given me alot of wonderful memories throughout the 2 years. Looking back, I really feel that I've kinda neglected you guys during the HK trip with my little emotional episodes, but haha I hope it's still not too late for me to tell you all that you are really one of the best groups of people I've met. Emotional stuff come and go, but you guys have been with me throughout two years. I really appreciate that and I shall write all of your names here:

Myles
Samantha
Hillary
Tim
Peter
Lizzi

You are all awesome people. I wish all of you success in the future, and I hope that our friendship will never fade. Haha sounds like some textbook thing right?

Well before we all set out for different paths, I just hope that the HK people who have a chance to view this blog can take time to listen to this song by Kousuke Atari



Success and GodSpeed my Friends!

I hate FLU.

I officially hate the flu. I mean, I never liked it in the first place, but I never hated it that much either before. It's horrible to still feel completely exhausted even after 9 hours of sleep. And the fact that your nose is clogged like a drain filled with rubbish only rubs salt to the wound. It totally spoils my activities for the day. Actually I wanted to go to the gym for a workout, but because of this dumb flu, I can't. So I have to stay home and live the life of a pig. And... today I actually wanted to try to choreo some simple moves for the upcoming pre-camp briefing skit, but because of this flu, the inertia to actually practise them becomes even greater. I'm so gonna die for the rehearsal on Sunday.

Well, speaking of the ZB SSC skit, here are some moves I was looking up on the internet to be used as an entrance for the characters:

1. Butterfly Kick
2. Butterfly Twist
3. Cartwheel
4. Flagpole (No need to hold it for very long)

So... I'm still thinking of that. I'm gonna learn it first and hopefully teach it successfully to them. If not I'll just download the video and show them la. Anyway, back to Youtube. Ciao

I need some retail therapy.

I'm finally done with JAE at like... 12am today. Haha. It has definately been one of the most tiring things ever, choosing schools and attending open houses one after another, although the latter was fun. Hanging out together with Yustynn, Max, Ian and Thomas has been a really fun experience. The open houses were really awesome too because we got familiar people to show us around, so that we won't be provided with politically correct answers when we ask sensitive questions such as "Does your school have a strong sense of school spirit and culture?", or "The girls here hot or not?". Haha.

Now that I'm finally done with it, I really need to go relax abit. I've been thinking of retail therapy, so maybe I'll head down to Ion or something to check out the stores there. I really liked the Uniqlo T-shirts, cheap and comfortable. Maybe I'll get some today.

I guess this marks the end of Phase II. Haha it's time to relax again now before the posting results come out.

Finalizing In Process

My tuesdays and wednesdays were spent visiting open houses, like many other applicants of the JAE. Went to open houses of 3 schools that I'm interested in/asked to check it out by my parents. So I went to CJ, AC and NJ. I know there were many more open houses but unfortunately I can't be in many places at one time.

Visiting open houses really helps me understand the school much better. So now I probably have an idea of which schools I want to pick. A little change in my plans for the CLEP, and now I'm porpbably putting TJ as my 2nd choice. First choice may be ACJC because I was really impressed by their open house. I don't mind NJ too if I could get in, but I guess if I really went there I would mug until I die. So... I hope that I can get into the school of my choice.

Probably read about this loads of times

My O'Level results can be interpreted in many different ways:

1. This is the first time I've ever gotten a single digit since 4 years. 9 Points. That's an improvement I guess. I should be happy. Real happy.

2. I finally got an A1 in English after all the stupid B's and C's for the past 3 years. I should feel happy.

3. My HMT is an A2 instead of the B4 or even C5 or C6. I should feel happy.

4. I managed to get my act together after MYEs. I should be happy that I'm not getting double digit.

5. My Languages and Combined Humanities saved my ass. Literally. If not for those I'll be dead. I should be jumping for joy.

Notice the words "should be". Anyone reading this would know that I'm not. 9 points. I'm not trying to mock those who got 10 and above but to me, 9 points is enough to make me regret for a long time, because there are certain subjects which disappointed me to the core.

1. My Literature. I still don't understand why I got a B3. I expected an A1, I felt so damn good about the paper and now, freaking B3. If I had gotten an A1 I would have been able to go VJ and NJ already.

Is this some kind of sign from God to get me stuck somewhere in the middle? So close but yet so far.... Now I have to make decisions in a very narrow range. Hopefully I can get into the school I want, which is probably TJC where I'll try to apply for the CLEP program. I guess I'm better at Languages than Sciences and Math, drill drill drill only get A2. I won't want to suffer in Science stream, so probably have to go arts.

I have set my mind on CLEP course in TJC. I hope I'm eligible for it. I hope A2 for HMT, A1 for Chinese and A1 for English is enough. Haha Julia if you're reading this could you give me some info on CLEP or any Humanities program in TJ if you know any? Sorry to trouble you.

I'm thinking ACJC, VJC, NJC too. Will try for NJC and VJC arts. I went to CJC open house today. Although the facilities has seen better days, it feels kinda heartwarming. I'm considering that too. But anyway, TJC is still my first choice. I really hope I can go there. Only till then will I be fully relieved. Even though the distance is far, but I'll suck it up. It's just 2 years. I'm gonna stick it through no matter what if I go there.

It is Getting More And More Boring

Yes, My blog is becoming more and more boring. Even I am bored reading my own posts. I think I'm having the writer's block, where absolutely nothing comes into my head when I'm staring at the computer screen. I wish this would change. I miss the days where ideas would just flow freely from my mind and into the keyboard, but now it seems that they are all stuck in a certain part of my brain, as if a huge dam is blocking them. Hate this feeling, but I can't do anything about it. Should I delete this and start over? Or should I delete this and never create another blog again? I don't know. I have more important things on my mind.

Yes, you guessed it. What else besides the O'Level Results? I believe it's on every Sec 4's mind now. I'm having mixed feelings about how my results will turn out now. On one hand I think that I will achieve my goal, and on the other hand I keep on thinking of uncertainties. Uncertainty is frightening. For example, during an injection you're probably more nervous or afraid during the time where the needle does not stick into your flesh. That's the thing. You don't know what will happen. More often am I haunted by uncertainties of how my results will turn out. Will it be good or bad? Will I jump for joy or weep? Will I be contended with my performance or regret again? I don't know. I really don't know.

And that is what precisely is killing me.

Whatever it is, God just give me enough strength to accept it, and hopefully it'll be well. I need this more than ever.

Results on the 11th.... Blah Blah Blah

Finally there's a confirmation of the date. If I told you that I didn't care about my results, that would be bullshit. How can I not? I've been having dreams and nightmares about it since after the exams ended. And as the day draws closer, the more I think about it, the more I feel as if I screwed up for the O's. And the more I think about that the more afraid I get, as if my future will just collapse right in front of me. Screw this paranoia. Look forward. Arghh

Fooled

Saying goes "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me". I guess this is the second time I've been fooled. Once I thought you forgot about me, but when you said you didn't, well I believed it. So I spend time selecting and copying all those stuff, hoping it would really help you if you ever need it.

And I was thick-skinned enough to arrange this meeting, just to wait freaking 40 minutes like some damn idiot. When you finally came with your whole bunch of friends that's when I knew that to you, I'm not actually that important. I felt tired and frustrated. So you know what?

I don't give a damn anymore. You can just fucking throw the stuff I gave you into the bin and i won't give a shit. Last time I'll ever do something foolish like that.

Hope you're happy. Screw so-called "Friendship"

I wish you success. Really

Chinese Songs

A recent trip to the KTV with my parents made me realise that I should be born in the 80's. Because I can only sing songs belonging to that age. It was also during the KTV session where I realised that music during the 80's is totally awesome, one of the best I've ever heard. A little old fashioned, maybe, but it's the period of time where alot of focus is put on their singing abilities instead of outward appearances and advertising. Check out some videos below. They're my personal favourites:

王馨平 - 別問我是誰




情人的眼泪-林忆莲



This version is quite new... co-produced by Dick Lee

Well maybe I'll just upload these two.... Haha call me old fashioned...